Commies Riot over Pandemonia Book Release Announcement

Pre-Order your copy today before bookstores are looted

After a controversial trailer, dysgenic activists, chronically online scolds, and extremely part-time baristas have taken to the streets, storming bookstores, libraries, and liberal arts colleges across the West Coast in an attempt to suppress Pandemonia, a novel they admit they haven’t read, because it’s not even in print yet.

We caught up with Anita Wacko-Schvantz, a professional cat manicurist in Portland, as she was looting condoms from CVS on behalf of her boyfriend’s boyfriend.

“It’s offensive, crass, and there’s hardly any womyn in it,” she huffed fatly through her mask, despite it being 2025.

“The protagonist Sir Pickle, is just so heteronormative,” added real estate novelist Jaque Enhof- Guise as he spray-painted swastikas on a Tesla. “I mean the Pickle imagery is straight up phallic fascism.”

The current damage inflicted by rioters in these woke enclaves is estimated to be somewhere in between Gomorrah and Dresden.

Pandemonia’s imminent publication has shaken the literary world to its core. Simon, Schuster, and the Penguin called an emergency meeting in Gotham to discuss how to best monetize this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity while distancing themselves from controversy.

“Ok, maybe the politics are unfashionable, but it’s got a coherent plot and lots of farts, this thing will sell like hotcakes,” said the Penguin puffing his cigar. “And the puns, by gum, the puns! Maybe we should rebrand to Punguin Press?”

The enigmatic author, a reclusive dwarf living deep in the silver mines of Virginia City Nevada, emerged from his subterranean lair to read this statement, “I’m very proud of Pandemonia, but what I really want to talk about is my next novel: Mecha-Bibi versus Harambe. I pit a cybernetic Netanyahu against a resurrected gorilla king in a post-apocalyptic cage match and the subplot is about self-aware Bitcoin mining robots. It’s my love letter to a simpler time: kung fu versus robots.”

As the author backed slowly into the mineshaft, he added ominously:

“I have more than enough money, but my real life’s purpose is getting people to subscribe, hit the goddamn like button, and share with your lunatic friends!”