Robo-Christ

Fresh Thoughts on a 1980's classic

I am going to say something uncontroversial: RoboCop rules. Quick correction: it's a metaphysical truth. Paul Verhoeven's 1987 holy artifact satirically describes the late 1980s while forecasting the current anarcho-tyranny by incorporating the Cyberpunk ethos: "High-Tech, Low Life." 

Verhoeven masterfully executes this in a funhouse 1980s future set in Detroit that current Motor City residents must pine for. Robocop's diorama playset is as rich as Mattel's 1982 Castle Grayskull; however, all the action figures come with it. It's fun for the whole family: 

• Vapid Cartoon TV Anchors: complete with puffy coiffeurs and vacant smirks

• An Ethnically Diverse Array of Gang Members: dressed to kill with Cobra Assault Cannon

• The Sleazy Upwardly Mobile Junior Executive (cocaine sold separately)

• The Truly Villainous Senior Executive: watch out, his hands are poopy!

• The Frumpy Lady Cop: She’s here to get her ass kicked and chew bubble gum

• The Bad Motherfucker: RoboCop. Completely impenetrable armor¹ and an upgraded version of Clint Eastwood's hand cannon that fires in 3 round bursts with Infinite Ammo.  

• The Desperate Hijacker of Democracy, Jettisoned Councilman Miller: just pull the string and he talks!

  • "And I want a new car, something with reclining leather seats that goes really fast and gets real shitty gas mileage!” [The 6000 SUX] 

  • “Lieutenant, don't jerk me off, when people jerk me off, I kill em!" (more on this guy later)     

• The 6000 SUX: An American tradition, 8.2 MPG

The Gen-X and Millennial reflections on RoboCop have already articulated the Cold War/Reagan Era anxieties about relentless consumerism and the threat of nuclear annihilation. It is well-tread BuzzFeed territory, usually equipped with a mid-wit snigger at the 80s right wing. “If only Mondale was Elected!” Let's take a Based approach: would an actual RoboCop improve law enforcement?  

Folks in power have played fast and loose with the "Law" since they etched it into stone.² I assume there is a valuable technocratic reason for this in our 200,000-page extended US code. Or if there’s not, someone in Congress will literally get paid to write more of those pages justifying it.  

Assuming a sentient AI could parse the inevitable contradictions within our massive law documents, it is further assumed that this being could execute their Prime Directives better than a human officer.   

1. Serve the Public Trust: Let's set aside the notion that any property can be “public.” The National Parks are not owned by 330 Million people: they are the domain of a sovereign, transient, oligarchy.  It’s clear that RoboCop is initially wired to serve the Oligarchy, a small tightly organized minority whose interests trump the Majority Voting Public 80% of the time.  Farbeit from me to try and task an AI with computing the ephemeral interests of the disorganized and poor mob. From a pure theory of democratic social justice, RoboCop's real prime directive must protect the individual at all costs.

2. Protect the Innocent: How can we determine who is Innocent?  Given our aforementioned legal code, the average person in the US commits 3 Felonies A Day.  Martha Stewart got jail time for insider trading to the tune of $250K.  Nancy Pelosi gets re-elected and has an “uncanny” ability to beat the market (calm down, it’s not just her).  Anyway, given that RoboCop is hardcoded to not go after the super-vampires,  it’s also clear the small potatoes are a waste of his time too.  He’ll have to prioritize in order to…  

3. Uphold the Law: Just go after the egregious felons.  How does a robot decide what is egregious?  He’ll need some human DNA and moral judgment…

4. Any attempt to Arrest a Member of OCP [Congress] will result in a Shutdown: Whoops, the biggest criminals also own the police.

Not looking suitable for our hero. At first glance, he’s a bigger corporate tool than Jimmy Kimmel.  However, our hero’s journey shows Murphy the man die (and how!), resurrect as an automaton, and ultimately complete his quest when he reconnects with his humanity and finds a clever loophole in the Sacred Law.    

So let's take a metaphysical perspective. RoboCop is wholly human and wholly machine. As such, he's a perfect amalgam of logic, force, and the ability to operate on the margins.  

Sound like anyone else who loves you? That's right, it's Jesus.  

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God." 

Jesus is entirely God and fully human. RoboCop is fully human and fully machine.

RoboCop, being both human and machine, has a duality that allows him to navigate the complexities of law enforcement in a way that pure humans or machines cannot. This mirrors the theological concept of Jesus being divine and human, bridging God and humanity. Similarly, RoboCop bridges the rigid, often flawed system of Law and the chaotic reality of human society.  

Carl Schmidt: “The Sovereign is he who decides on the exception." Jesus was technically a lawbreaker, but the mark of a good reformer, religious or otherwise, is their ability to work within the bounds of established tradition.   

RoboCop's dual nature could theoretically enable a more just and ethical enforcement of the Law, free from human biases and corruption. Contrast this with the limitations and imperfections of human law enforcement officers and purely AI-driven systems. RoboCop can go after the worst felons under his revised directives using virtually unlimited moral computing power.  Maybe his best bellwether on law-breaking is Justice Potter Stewart: “I know it when I see it.” 

Let's try a high-profile example. How would RoboCop have reacted to January 6th? This has both legal and spiritual implications, as our sacred democracy, the Presidency, and the act of voting are all quasi-religious shibboleths. It's clear that RoboCop rightfully has no tolerance for Councilman Miller. Miller loses his seat, holds the mayor hostage at gunpoint, and demands a recount and some other hilarious stuff.  RoboCop takes out the trash.  But did Donald Trump steal Miller's doomed playbook?  

Who does RoboCop, or a team of RoboCops, go after in our real-world scenario? Let's ask a few questions:

• Does he agitate a crowd by preemptively shooting tear gas into it?

• Does he prosecute the FBI Agents agitating that crowd from within?

• Does he prosecute the FBI Agents who planted pipe bombs around the capital?

Of course this is all speculation.  If RoboCop were under true command of the Executive branch, he might have been flown to Michigan to investigate and enforce upon the 7,000 sworn affidavits alleging voter fraud.  A reminder, this pure speculative fiction.  In reality, the 17 states with similar allegations were proactively dismissed by the 9 Wizards.  Maybe the solution is RoboCourts.  By the way, blockchain solves voter fraud and financial crimes.  The USPS is an accessory to those crimes every day.    

Those issues of pesky checks and balances aside, perhaps the first step we need to fix the rule of law is a white-hat hacker to reprogram RoboCop to delete Directive 4 and begin his methodical purge of the deep state.  

RoboCop, just like Jesus, reflects societal anxieties and hopes about justice, redemption, and the role of technology in our lives. Both figures inspire questions about salvation, and the possibility of moral purity within corrupt systems.

As Bixby Snyder notes in the film, "I'd buy that for a dollar!"

PS: This essay was written by a Centaur.  

Human Author, Human Editor 

1. Aim for his mouth, bad guys!

2. Quick tangent: Isn't it weird that pro athletes are not allowed to wager on games they play? However, members of Congress are exempt from insider trading laws. Shouldn't it be Twilight Zone bonkers that members of Congress are permitted to purchase and sell individual securities from their corporate sponsors? Today’s Homework: Justify your oppressors and argue that there is no conflict of interest here.