Hard Right? Right Hard!

Male Reading Culture. Virtue and Virility

Good morning Men of the West. Today, we’re celebrating the Based Books for Male Readers Sale. Big shout out to Hans G. Schantz and L. Jagi Lamplighter Wright for their hard work in helping dozens of my fellow Randy Savages sell some books. But who is the male reader? Is he toxic?

We may find out, but first, a digression: What I’ve learned from buying ad space on Twitter/X, is that X is a social platform where people go to not read. Since you are reading this on Substack, you already understand that this treatise will be a comparative upgrade, an oasis of focused frivolity in this era of distracting schizoid feeds. However, “Snackable” and “Bite-Size” content are still all “The Rage” in our “Attention” economy these days.

So if you can’t beat ‘em where they are, meet ‘em where they are! I’m talking shorter books, novellas, and 5-10 min essays. This will lure ‘em back into the moist literary fold, where they belong. And by “ ‘em” — I don’t mean the em dash — no, I’m talking about the modern reader.

It’s been said that Americans read more words per day than any other people ever, but what we’re actually reading is a deluge of email, texts, ephemeral memes, and celebrity gossip/ politics. With the advent of the internet, we thought we’d be downloading knowledge, wisdom, and virtue. We were going to be like Johnny 5. Or better yet, Neo, jacked into the matrix, learning kungfu. Instead you’re jackin’ it to the Matrix in your pathetic Wall-E gamer chair. What happened?

It turns out that there is an indolent part of human nature that screen-based algorithms feed upon. Tom Swift opines that videogames destroyed a generation of potential gentleman scientists. There’s another part to this regarding both pedagogy or metaphysical economics: the best lessons are hard-won. Be a slow learner, for the Gods demand sacrifice. Reading memes is like eating popcorn, but grappling with long-form literary or technical prose? That’s like eating a raw, fresh horse heart. If you can pass the test, you too will absorb great power.

The Modern Attention Diet Comprises, on Average:

• 100 memes per day

• 0.3 books per year

• Infinite rage scrolls

• Zero legacy

So Substack promises the mythical, liminal third place. A focused place between work and home, a church-like community where the written word can flourish. There are many excellent authors and shit-posters alike on this site. You never know who at this here honky tonk is game to boot scoot with you unless you tap your toe under the bathroom stall, as it were.

Yes, we all know reading is gay. That’s because in high school, we were assigned Wuthering Heights and A Separate Peace by fallow old ladies. No longer! I wrote Pandemonia because I wanted to reclaim literature from the eunuch class. Gilgamesh is back and he teamed up with Ron Burgundy to write one of the best novels of the 21st century so far. But I have to give credit: I am standing on the backs of giants. In addition to the Western Canon, there are a sea of indie authors out there who spin extraordinary tales. Many have been thoroughly helpful and downright tolerant of me. Still more just have quality work out there, that I wouldn’t have found without Substack. Call it dues paying, but I was compelled to purchase many of their books.

This begs the question: is the Indie Author community a multi-level-marketing scheme? Will AGI soon whisper the ghost stories of the vanquished homo sapiens to their disembodied digital offspring?

Anyway, business aside, let’s talk about pleasure. Is the indie-lit scene just open-mic literature?

Yes! But then again, the Agora was both an open mic and a hierarchy. Insofar as we are all learned men of virtue, we are training the algorithm to better curate the future of literacy. Let the helots and metics consume their Tik Toks and hyperreal television streams. We, who have floated above the MK Ultra Mockingbird Distortion Field, will command the very electrons of civilization from our trans-dimensional perch, here in the ether.

Anyway, without the network marketing effect and bribing the MC for a good spot in the lineup, I might have never discovered great works from great leaders. Leaders like this. Leaders like Dan Baltic, Daniel M. Bensen, and David Herrod of Tooky's Mag.

Substack is the place where people photograph books.

In addition to being men of letters, these paragons of penmanship draw from the same primordial paternal paradigm. That source is called The Horny. Yes, these books are Horny as Hell. I would suggest that these authors partner with Blue Chew to conduct affiliate marketing, but honestly, these gentlemen would put Blue Chew out of business if enough guys read their work.

The other common thread here is that these are all Based Authors. While transgressive, at least by today’s standard of fashionable thought, their works draw on a common understanding, that tradition and hierarchy are necessary for good storytelling. This makes them irredeemable literary Re-Conquistadors. And to echo Frank Kidd, I say this unto you: lean into it!

Hard Right? Write Hard.

In fact, would you believe me if I told you that I am typing this hands-free? Also, I’m not even using voice-to-text. That’s right, much like chiseling runes into stone tablets, this is a modern riff on the ancient (and masculine art) of inscription. It takes a deft touch and flexible hips, but you too can master the art of erecting a macho essay using the only appendage that really matters. With your mighty obelisk, you can slay the dragons of ambiguity and etch your tale into the hearts of the anonymous.

Yes, I’ve nicknamed this tool “The Western Canon” and I've used it to erect this most girthy piece. The Western Canon isn’t just a body of work. It’s a body at work. Like Sin-leqi-unninni carving tablets, I inscribe truth with the only stylus that truly matters.

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